Childbirth Class

So last night we attended our first childbirth class. I have been dreading this since the moment we signed up, all in anticipation of being forced to watch the very graphic birthing video. To preface, first of all my doctor said that we didn't even HAVE to go to class that the nurses at BCH are so badass that it would go very smoothly with or without class. So I of course was hoping to get out of it, but Big Man talked me into it.

So I'm the door of Gate 2 and heading to class when Big Man calls and tells me that there is an emergency at work and he may not be able to make it. How convenient. Just kidding he wanted to be there and did actually eventually make it close to on time, but for a minute there I felt like a character in some Lifetime movie about single teenage mothers.

Class begins and we all go around and introduce ourselves and share how far along we are (31.5 weeks), our due date (May 4), our name, what we do, and who our doctor(s) is (the lovely ladies of Boulder Women's Care). Then we talk about what we want to learn in class, the stages of labor, yada yada yada. Then it's video time.

It starts out innocent enough and then it becomes apparent that a lot of this is home movies. The amount of grossness is minimal. Then the story turns towards pushing and delivery. After one shot of this woman's lady business in the throes of pushing and I'm done. I am now counting ceiling tiles and occasionally glancing at the Big Man for the reaction...and I know exactly when this chick has pushed out her kid when the entire class gasps. I wouldn't say it was in horror so much as in disbelief with a dash of horror. Then my favorite part of the video was when she delivered her placenta and someone (I don't know who, doctor or partner, as I was still counting ceiling tiles at this point) was holding it and described for the viewing audience which part of it was attached to mom and which part was not. Big Man's face was PRICELESS.

And thus ended the video portion of class. The lights came on and all the couples (there are 10 in our class) just sort of stared at each other and at other couples like "I can't believe we just watched that." I apparently had quite a look on my face (to be honest I was laughing at Big Man still) because the instructor asked me if i was alright. Classic. I didn't even see the brutal part.